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Confessions of a Writer

A Letter to My Father, If Only…

Dear Dad:


I was six years old when your life was taken by someone that you knew in Fort Worth, Texas. I never got to meet you, and I have been searched for you all of my life. I finally got the keys to unlock your vault this year. I have no clue about why you and mother could not get along – at this age in my life I really could care less. I just feel that you were wrong for not making an effort to get to know me. I turned out to be pretty cool. Regardless of your faults, I believe you were somebody and your name deserves to be chanted today.

I just left the park and while I was there I shouted your name out as loud as I could for the universe to hear. I even dedicated a freestyle to you and I took a bow after I finished my impromptu lyrical tribute. Sometimes, I wonder what parents are thinking when they birth children and realize that everything that they do will affect us in some fashion or form. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life when it comes to men but I am better for it, because I did have a few that stood up when necessary to step in your place – it never has been for a long time though. I often wonder how my other siblings feel being that they got to know you – but I was the only one that was left out of the pictures and the moments that I could one day look back and say I was there with you. Perhaps, it was a part of my life’s mission to find you myself and establish something with you from a spiritual perspective.

I now know when you were born and the day you died. I have also visited your burial site and will continue throughout my life. I want to tell you that I love/ed your parents. They showered me with so much love as a teenager and through adulthood. I met your sister, my Aunt Linda and her children. We are very close too as a unit. A lot of folk may think this is crazy to write you and tell you that I love you. I do though. If you and my mother would have never met – I would not be here to write this now. I just want you to know that all of my life I have thought about you. I wondered what you looked like and how you smelled. I wondered if we would ever do things together and if you would see me at my best and my worst.

I talked with my mom about not allowing me to know you too a few years before she transitioned; she apologized for her role in all of what happened. I honor what she told me. It hurt and still does a lot, but I am okay with what has transpired. I am thankful that I had enough sense to continue to ask questions and finally received my answers. If you had lived to see your 50th b-day – I have no doubt in my mind that we would have met up in the physical. It would have been awkward, but at least I would have been able to make up my mind if I wanted you in my life.

Today, I just want to say thank you for existing long enough for me to be able to come into this world and make my mark. I am your legacy. I am your daughter. I am your wildflower.




About kreativeYoungmillionaire

Writer | Art Librarian | Creative Mixologist | Genealogy Curator


2 thoughts on “A Letter to My Father, If Only…

  1. That is so, so powerful and beautiful! Im sorry he was not in your life! I have been blessed to have my dad my whole life, I almost lost him when I was 15, but he is still here. Just remember he may not have been there but you are here and no matter how much that hurts you are a strong woman in your own right! Blessed Be

    Posted by elizabethangel3365 | October 5, 2018, 3:05 am

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